so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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