this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
