And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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