So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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