new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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