I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
