Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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