I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You took a bar mat shot.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
