ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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