I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
