she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
