Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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