I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
