he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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