haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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