I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
