Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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