SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
