Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Where is the hickey?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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