What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
