I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
