Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
