Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
