Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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