There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
