i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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