Heybabeimwearingurpanties
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
