omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
