i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
