forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
