To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
