not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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