She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
