SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
