I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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