What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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