New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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