If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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