Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
