Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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