Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
