Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
