We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
