Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
