Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
love makes seman taste better
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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