haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
