apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
