After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
