in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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