thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
