So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize