I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
